Lost and the Hope to Be Found
by TatteLatte
Summary: Kurt grew up with a best friend named Blaine. It really was as simple as that in his underdeveloped mind. But when Blaine simply disappears, Kurt realizes how much that friendship meant to him as well as how complicated Blaine's life really was. But New York may not be so big after all.
1. Prologue

When you're five, it's easy to be caught in simplicity and routine, missing how much more there is to even the smallest things. Kurt would wake up at the same time every day to his mother's careful murmurs and prods. He'd attend school-save for weekends-though he hardly found it necessary because it was 'so easy, please'. While he waited for his mom to pick him up he complimented Mercedes' outfit, even if he didn't like the way it clashed with his own just because he was that good of a friend. Then he would watch cartoons with his dad, insisting that it not involve racecars, football, or stirrup pants. His mom would whip up some dinner that they all ate together. His parents let him play outside afterwards. Then, after a bath, he went soundly to sleep. It was simple, repetitive, and easy. It was all a toddler should have needed.

Blaine was never part of that routine until Kurt found him. Then it was like he had always been there

On a simple day no different from any other, he was released outside by his giggling mother who stepped back inside, leaving him to the tea party he had planned. His stuffed animals surrounded the table where the plastic cups were arranged. In Kurt's mind, it was a beautiful get-together worthy of royalty. But there was something missing-

"Flowers!" he proclaimed, grinning at his realization. He picked his way through his mother's garden, careful not to step on any of them, but brutally yanking off any he found pretty. He would probably be in huge trouble later, but it really seemed worth it at the time. By the time he reached the edge of the yard, however, the flowers lay in the dirt. Kurt's jaw dropped with them.

At the corner of the garden, curled up in a ball, was a skinny little boy with thick black curls. He appeared to be asleep, his chest rising and falling rhythmically, but his face was twisted in discomfort. His curls were unruly, but Kurt found himself growing fond of them as he stepped closer. What was really catching his eye, though, was that the boy was even thinner than he first appeared. Skinny arms held a gaunt face above the soil, contrasting his pale skin. Kurt plopped on the ground next to the boy, and brushed the hair back from his face the way his mother always did for him to wake him. Golden eyes shot open as the boy struggled to sit up quickly to take in his surroundings. Kurt backed away quickly on his knees to give him space, observing the boy as he relaxed a little.

"Hi there! I'm Kurt. What's your name? Why were you sleeping on the ground? Where do you live? How old are you? Are you homeless? Do you have parents? Are you an orphan like Annie? Are you hungry? You look hungry," Kurt rushed out, leaning forward as the boy stared at him in surprise. "Umm... I mean, do you want some food?"

"I-yes, please," said the boy softly. "I'm Blaine."

Kurt grinned at him, holding up a finger to signal he would be back. He ran inside and into his kitchen, grateful that his parents were upstairs, and gathered fruit and sandwiches in his arms to bring outside. Blaine brightened at the sight of him walking out the door, Kurt laying the food on the table of his abandoned tea party. They both sat down to talk through Blaine's mouthfuls of food. They were close in age, though Blaine was a year behind him in school. And, to Kurt's quickly-hidden disappointment, he was not an orphan, nor was he homeless.

"My dad got really mad again," he explained. "And I thought I'd stay here until he's not mad or goes to bed."

Kurt didn't really understand because his dad was a big pushover, but he nodded along all the same. Blaine fished the food rather quickly, giving Kurt more time to interrogate him. They talked endlessly, topics ranging from their mothers' _Vogue _to whether Britney Spears was better than *NSYNC. When Blaine announced he had to leave, Kurt wrapped him in a tight hug that was reciprocated after a moment. Kurt thought he heard a sniffle from the other boy, but dismissed it as his imagination.

"Will you come back tomorrow?" Kurt asked as he pulled away. Blaine simply smiled and nodded before climbing over the fence and disappearing.

And suddenly, Kurt's life had a whole new routine.


	2. A New Shell

**_So this is a story I've been working over for a while, I hope you like it!_**

**_Rating is subject to change, blah, blah, blah, here's the good stuff_**

* * *

Kurt's parents had no idea how he had suddenly started eating twice as much, but they figured it couldn't hurt considering how skinny he was. He finished dinner, made at least four sandwiches –where did he learn how to make a sandwich anyway –and brought them outside where they promptly disappeared. They didn't think to look outside because, frankly, it was their relaxation time for the day. Wasn't independence supposed to help kids?

Their son sure wasn't complaining. Blaine came back every day to visit him, leading them through an exciting fall. Kurt talked about his Halloween costume as a power ranger, Blaine as a pirate. But as they entered winter, Kurt found that Blaine didn't have the same privileges.

As usual, Blaine was waiting in the garden when Kurt ran out of the house laden with sandwiches and two mugs of hot chocolate. Blaine hurried over to help him carry it, though Kurt suspected it was more to get his hot chocolate quickly. It wasn't until he reached out for a hug when he realized Blaine was _freezing._

"Blaine!" he gasped when he felt the icy skin. "Don't you have a coat?"

"I-I didn't have t-time to get it," Blaine said through chattering teeth. "I had to go out my window."

The window bit flew right over Kurt's head so he took off his coat to attempt to wrap around Blaine's shoulders. It was rejected strongly, though, which Kurt found strange since it never happened in the movies.

"If you give me your coat, then you'll be cold," Blaine explained to Kurt's confused look.

This made Kurt look around in thought for a moment after he had pulled his coat back on. As soon as he had an idea, he raised a finger quickly before running inside. When he emerged a few moments later, it was with a pile of colorful winter coats in his arms. Blaine reached out to grab the one on top of the pile, but Kurt swatted his hand away.

"We're having a fashion show," he stated.

Kurt wasn't messing around.

"Aw, c'mon. The green is really fuzzy and warm."

"But the red looks really pretty on you! Your skin is nice in red."

Blaine blushed at that, grabbing the red coat to slip it on. This earned him a triumphant smile from Kurt along with a quick hug.

"Okay, that one's yours!" he declared. Blaine shook his head in disbelief so Kurt continued, "It doesn't fit me, anyway. I think Mommy was going to give it away, but you deserve it much more."

Blaine spoke his thanks, and they finished their cold meal in relative silence. Similar thoughts filled both their minds, but they could only relate what they knew to movies and TV. Nothing fit quite right. How could they possibly like another boy?

* * *

Kurt rarely admits it out loud, but he has a fondness for dark curls. Often, while going about his business, he'll find a head of hair similar to one of his childhood. And, no matter how awful the day, or crowded the city, it puts a smile on his face.

If he's being realistic, Kurt will say he has distorted Blaine into an infallible being in his head. All faults forgotten in long years, he is now Kurt's image of perfection and hope. Unfortunately, all of that is placed onto a twelve-year-old boy, for that is the last Kurt saw of him.

Now, Kurt is angrily realistic frequently, but there are moments few and far between where he suspects there is more to his fondness. Whether Blaine was an angel-realistic Kurt scoffs at this-or simply a stunningly perfect human, sometimes Kurt wishes he had the boy here to judge it.

He's not a preteen anymore, though, with a peculiar best friend (well, at least he'd never call Rachel that to her face). He's an adult who is going to face the world with independence that will shatter any fantasy he can come up with.

But, then again, that woman's bushy hair makes the rest of his day seem much more inviting.

When he enters his favorite coffee shop, he orders and sits down quickly. He really doesn't have that much time in the morning, but he likes to use whatever he _does_ have to relax a bit. While sipping, he glances around the coffee shop. There's a mass of orange curls in the corner that make him smile, but what really gets him is the black hair plastered to a boy's head across the shop. Kurt giggles a bit at the sheer amount of product, wondering how atrocious someone's hair would have to be to have to glue it to their head.

Really though, it's endearing to see the boy so well-kept, especially with the pale blue bowtie around his neck. He has a little moment where all he hears is a toddler with large, golden eyes admiring Kurt's own bowtie collection. Blaine never actually wore bowties, himself, though. He knows he's stretching it.

After a glance at the clock and a boy with his gelled head down, Kurt decides he really must be going. He walks out of the shop, purposefully avoiding looking at the boy as he does so. And, it might be his imagination, but he thinks he felt someone's eyes on him as he left.

It's a quick walk to a tall building, then to the elevator to push the 6 button. Kurt flips through a notebook on the way up, but flips it shut when the elevator doors open. The room is comfortable, which makes Kurt okay with a simple desk in a large office with others. He's happy to be here.

It was a pretty big decision for him. He had to cut his time with his dad in Ohio short to come back here to start his job. And, to add to his loneliness, Rachel wouldn't be back for another month. The apartment was all his for that time. On the other hand, it's his first job in the fashion industry. Well, paid job anyway. His boss is really a sweetheart, even if she isn't hugely famous, and his coworkers are really great people who are slowly becoming his friends.

Enough time passes for Kurt to just open up his email on his laptop before Amber crowds next to him.

"Okay, Kurt, you have really great ideas for summer so I need to look at this for next year," she hurries out. "Please, please, please, I'll love you forever?"

Kurt tries to sigh as he turns to her, but it comes out as more of a chuckle. He grabs her sketchbook to ponder for a moment before handing it back.

"Needs a coat," he states simply. Amber looks at him like he's crazy.

"This is for summer. It's fashion for the beach, to top it off. You think it needs _a coat_?"

"Well, yeah. Look at the shoes; they aren't tied in at all. But a belt wouldn't work with that top, which also doesn't cut with the shorts well. I suppose you could add a hat, but that's not really the statement you're going for. A light jacket wouldn't be too bad, but bigger shoulders would really make the look. Use a coat," Kurt explains quickly, turning back to his computer as he finishes.

"What about a scarf?" Amber inquires.

Kurt looks at the sketch, then her.

"Well, yes, a scarf would work perfectly."


	3. It's a Man's World

_**Thanks for the support! Sorry this chapter is so short, but I have more lined up for later.**_

* * *

Kurt was seven when he came out for the very first time.

Okay, he didn't really _come out_, but he had considered the possibility. While he didn't really understand the idea of homosexuality, he liked the idea of being with another boy. After watching countless Disney movies, he had decided he could pull it off easily. If Ariel and Prince Eric could kiss, then two boys could. And while kissing a mermaid didn't sound very appealing to Kurt, Eric definitely sounded nice.

The best part about Kurt's revelation was that it really didn't matter. Most boys his age thought girls still had cooties (which Kurt had started to suspect might be true) so no one gave him a second look. The worst part, however, was Blaine.

They had been best friends for two years, but Kurt constantly thought of him as his Prince Charming. He couldn't fathom why, but he could only consider riding off into the sunset with the little boy who constantly appeared in his yard every afternoon. And so, his tiny blue journal was filled with hearts and Blaine's name in sloppy handwriting with occasional spelling errors.

All of his speculation was also in his journal. Any questions he wondered, all his consideration factoring into his final decision. That book was a private thing Kurt cherished dearly, but he was also a five-year-old. His mother never gave a second thought to looking at it to see if it had been used.

That was really the _coming out_ bit of the story, though it was more of his mother hugging him a lot. She muttered about him being perfect and her being there for him. Really, it was confusing for Kurt even after she said she looked through his journal. There were a lot of promises about her giving him time, letting him choose who to talk to, but she was there for all of his questions. Despite her offers, Kurt foolishly chose to wait. He didn't need to know anything behind what she had told him. Even if he did, she had promised him time.

Unfortunately, that was the one promise she really couldn't keep.

* * *

"How are the men in New York? Just as sexy as I left 'em?"

Kurt smiles, though he knows she can't see it.

"Actually, no. Since the almighty Rachel Berry left, they have all decided it's not even worth keeping up appearances," he says solemnly. "You have successfully driven all the poor men of New York into a deep depression."

Rachel sighs dramatically in return, "I knew it was coming. I just can't help my alluring demeanor." A pause. "Is this also your explanation for not going on that date with the guy from my dance class?"

He hums a bit before replying, steeling himself for her response. "Well, I suppose. I mean, I know you said Jeremy was definitely gay, but I just couldn't take the chance of-"

"_Kurt!_"

"Okay, I called sick and watched reality television all night," he hurries out.

"Wow, it's a wonder the boys aren't falling at your feet with this hard-to-get routine. I really pegged Jeremy the flirty dancer as a 'run to your apartment with chicken soup and a bouquet of flowers' kind of guy."

"I'm just weeding out the weak, Rachel," Kurt laughs. "Don't worry about me; I'll get my chicken soup."

"I hope so."


	4. But It's Okay

**_I was going to say something important, but I forgot it so it probably wasn't really important._**

**_Disclaimer: I tried to buy Glee on the internet, but Ryan Murphy cancelled when I had top bid_**

* * *

It was only one year later, when Kurt was eight, that his mother passed away. Really, as he was growing up, Kurt was a momma's boy. Now he didn't have any of that. He didn't have the only one who knew.

His dad helped of course. He had someone to mourn with. But, at the same time, it was so different. Kurt's mom had been all he'd ever known, though his life hadn't been that long. His dad had met her long before Kurt was born, and even though he hadn't known her all of it, she was the love of his life. They had known her in such different ways, so they mourned her differently. They were very different people. Burt was held stable by his colleagues and friends, so Kurt had Blaine.

Their first meeting after his mother was dead, Kurt simply ran into Blaine's arms. Blaine didn't ask questions, didn't demand anything, he simply held his sobbing best friend close and muttered things he heard other say when comforting.

"It's alright," he whispered in Kurt's ear. "You'll be okay."

"No, I won't. She's gone, and she's dead, and she's not coming back," Kurt stated, pulling back.

Blaine held onto Kurt's arms to say, "It's okay. She's okay," which made Kurt cry even harder and fall back onto Blaine's chest.

They stayed like that for a while, but Kurt eventually felt bad for not bringing food when he noticed Blaine's prominent ribs invading their hug. He brought out fruit, which they ate quietly, but closely. Kurt started feeling better simply because he knew he wasn't alone. Blaine didn't lose anybody, but he seemed to know right away anything Kurt needed, which, at that moment, was just Blaine.

It was about a week before Kurt actually gained the courage to tell what happened, Blaine helping by not bringing it up. They had been having a quiet tea party - with Kurt's sandwiches - when he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"My mom is dead," he murmured before continuing what he was doing.

What Blaine did next cemented every feeling Kurt had for him. He stood, walked to Kurt, pulled him into his arms, and said, "That's okay."

* * *

Kurt's been seeing that same boy each day at the same coffee shop. It's really nothing weird, just a happy coincidence where Kurt happens to see him out of the corner of his every once in a while.

Nothing weird or anything.

Once, Kurt manages to catch him while he's ordering. It's really just the back of his head while he says, "Medium drip," pays, and turns away to sit in his usual booth. It still makes Kurt smile a bit as the gelled head ducks behind a book.

For the next few days, Kurt makes sure to be early to get his coffee… for relaxation reasons. He just happens to be able to see the guy with the medium drip get his coffee, and almost catch his face as he walks to the same corner to read. It brightens his day just a bit more, and who's to say that's a bad thing?

The day that really takes the cake, however, is a day when Kurt arrives late. He wakes up to find his alarm clock had come unplugged, and he has to leave in five minutes if he wants to get coffee. He's incredibly glad he decided to get coffee in the first place when he finishes speed-walking to the coffee shop. As soon as he walks in, he spots _the _boy at the register. Looking at the corner booth, Kurt sees that there's already an open book and coffee, so he's not running late. When he turns to the register, he catches the conversation between the boy and the - tall, dark, handsome, wow he even has attractive _friends_ - man running the register.

"Forget the biscotti?"

"Trying to cut back on costs. Thought I could go without it," the boy replies with a sigh.

"So, how much did you want this time?" the cashier asked with a smirk.

"Damn you," says the boy, but it's accompanied by a small smile. "When I run out of money and have to beg on the streets, I'll be sure to hold a sign that says, 'Support My Addiction, David Did.'"

"At least I'm supportive."

Kurt is in such a daze by the time he's up (his voice, his jaw, his _eyes_) that when the boy turns around, he runs straight into him.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I should have moved," he rushes out as the boy catches him by his arms.

"No, no. That's okay," the boy responds sincerely, looking into Kurt's eyes. "_I _was the one who ran into _you_."

As the boy walks away, it's all Kurt can do to remember his coffee order.


	5. Study Buddy

_**Sorry for the wait!**_

* * *

Kurt never though math was particularly difficult until 4th grade.

Until Mrs. Chapman.

It really was a mystery why teachers existed that liked nothing more than to punish and torture young minds. But they were there and Kurt had to have one for an entire year of elementary school. Fortunately, Kurt was a good student. Though Mrs. Chapman tried her best, he managed to learn most of his subjects by staying ahead of the class and asking his parents for help. Math was the exception.

Despite his attempts at getting help from his parents, math wasn't something either of them knew how to explain. And, as soon as he'd asked his teacher, she looked at him like he'd just gotten fingerpaint on her outfit – which wouldn't exactly be a tragedy.

It had come to a point where tutoring was the only option. However, this just made Kurt feel worse. After countless fits and tantrums, his parents decided to hold off the tutors, asking him to find a classmate or neighbor who he'd feel more comfortable with. Kurt's first conclusion was to ask Blaine.

Blaine had, of course, been comforting Kurt over this problem as soon as it arose. When Kurt asked him for his help, he shrugged.

"I can try," he mumbled.

And, although he didn't admit it, he tried _really _hard. After everything Kurt had done, after all he'd offered, Blaine wanted to have something to give back. Tutoring turned out to be the perfect way to do that.

While they were both young, and Blaine a bit brighter, they worked well together. Blaine was a step-by-step person, and Kurt found it so much easier to follow than any other teacher before. Plus, Blaine was very focused on the task, unlike Kurt, even making him do review work at the end of summer. His parents were satisfied, though their son never gave away who had been assisting him.

On one particular afternoon, Kurt had brought home fractions for Blaine to happily help him with. The only problem was that Blaine struggled with fractions as well.

"Fractions are dumb," he stated simply after trying the problem for the third time. "We don't need fractions." Kurt frowned at this.

"My dad said he uses fractions."

Blaine had to think about this for a moment.

"Well, that doesn't mean I have to like them."

It was right then, when Blaine looked down to restart the problem, that Kurt saw something really spectacular. It wasn't anything he hadn't seen before, but it felt different seeing it on Blaine's face. His brow furrowed, he pouted a little bit, and he squinted. Kurt was mesmerized until it ended with Blaine twisting his face and clucking loudly.

From then on, Kurt understood what his dad meant when he called his mother beautiful.

To be honest, Kurt had gotten the hang of college after his first semester. With a new year coming up, he knows it's about time to review old notes, but he really can't seem to find the time with work always getting in the way. He has a few weeks, but he also knows himself. If he doesn't get everything together soon, it won't happen at all. On the bright side, Amber has pretty much the same classes so they can help each other out.

When he finally gets around to taking out some old notes this is what happens:

"No, I can't find them!"

"Yes, I asked Rachel. Although, she wasn't too happy about that call."

"Are you sure you didn't take notes on it?"

"What did the professor do for it?"

"Well, can you write it down?"

"Yes, I know your time is precious, Amber."

"No, I don't know what time Project Runway is on."

"How can you possibly like him? His stuff's horrific!"

"Oh, well, yeah, his jaw line is great, but I hardly think that's the point. Wait, wait, so did you say you were going to give that to me?"

"Well, I can't find any of the class' notes!"

"Oh my god, I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead."

"No, I'm not crying."

"Fudge ripple, please."

It could have gone better, but at least he gets free ice cream.

So, on his next day off, Kurt gathers all of his papers and marches to the coffee shop later than usual to beat the morning rush. This leaves him with a quiet booth to himself covered in folders and papers.

It's a sad attempt at minimizing stress.

However, he manages to form all of them into neat piles before he notices something. Or, more accurately, some_one_. A boy at another table with his buried in a head in a book. It's only then that Kurt realizes the boy has most likely started his schoolwork early. The book he's holding is far too large to be casual reading. Kurt smiles a bit at their matching routines, completely ignoring the piles before him in favor of examining the boy going about his work. It really shouldn't be as interesting as he seems to find it, but he can't look away. The boy looks so intense as he reads, it just-

No, wait, there are no words. So, Kurt looks.

It is far later in the day when Amber receives a frantic call.

"Yeah, this isn't working. I'm gonna need to borrow some notes."


End file.
